Who are we when we are done playing the roles we chose and the ones the world chose for us?
All my life I have lived under the shadows of my parents, my mother especially. I was repeatedly told not to repeat the mistakes of my parents, not to be this or that. That I had to act in a certain way; I am sure I am not the only one who has experienced that.
For the longest time, I believed that I had very little room to make my own mistakes and if I did make the same mistakes as those of my parents, I would be screwed. I grew up being a puppet, playing roles I had no interest in playing.
That is too much pressure for anyone to handle.
There are roles life gives us: someone’s child, a sister, a grandchild, a cousin, a niece/nephew, a girlfriend/partner, wife or a husband and sometimes when unplanned, someone’s mother. That is a mouthful of roles one single person has to play and it’s so easy to get lost in them and to lose your identity in them without realizing it. This is sometimes even carried over to the career paths we end up studying for and where we work. Certainly not our choices, but the hand dealt by our circumstances.
February this year, during my depression, I had to ask myself a very serious question,
Who are you, apart from the roles life chose for you and the ones you chose for yourself, but now has come to an end?
It took a while to get to the answer, in fact as I write this, I am still learning and discovering who I am.
My birthright identity is everything that sets my soul on fire. I am a sister, my parents’ daughter, my grandparent’s grandchild, a friend, a niece, a cousin. The cherry on the cake is the personal identity that I chose for myself: a writer, a personal shopper/stylist, a grateful soul, a lover fountain that overflows love, a foodie and a spiritual being.
But I know for sure, these roles I chose for myself will continue to be altered as I grow. However, my true identity is, I am me, a spiritual being, having a human experience. I am light, I am love, I am wise, I am strong.
We are not just the roles we play. Everything can end.
Let me put it this way, if you had to lose all the roles you play now or are, who will be left? Will that be the end of your life or a chance to another beginning? Our true identity enables us to be the people who perform the roles we play. Our first identity is that we are human first before anything. Thereafter comes all the characteristics that we have that lead us to choose the roles we play.
Some of us have great identities but the roles we play daily, lead us to shrink ourselves, to downplay our greatness and to ignore when our purpose calls us. Don’t be afraid to own who you are including your sexuality and spirituality. Don’t be afraid to be your parent’s child. Most importantly, don’t forget that your own identity will come with mistakes and you are more than welcome to make them and learn from them.
In the end, the roles we play that we think are our identity, if they don’t align with your true identity, if you feel drained every time you play them, then you have no business playing these roles. You are not a clown neither are you a mountain that can’t move.
Beloved, who are you before the world decided who you should be? What has your soul been yearning for in secret?
