Hey MonoMom.

Writing this piece today is really ministering back to myself more than anything else. I hope you can relate, and that at the very least you enjoy reading it.

So we received news last week that Keenan (My 13 year old) got placement at one of the schools we had been praying about for next year, grade 8. It came as no surprise  as he really had been doing great for the past few years academically, but it took me back down a journey of reflection.

I’d like to share a few lessons I learned, specifically around the educational decisions I had to make on behalf of this gifted child, who has now become a friend and one of the wisest souls I know.

You see Keenan had been labeled many, many different ways when we started off his academic career.

At the time I was, fresh out of varsity, had just started my first job, and of course I wanted only the very best for my son. I enrolled him into a local private school with no hassle, (they seemed more interested in the timing of the debit order than anything else, which should have been red flag number one) and all seemed hunky dory. Well at least until almost 3 years later.

Lesson No 1

Practice due diligence when enrolling your little one. A private school isn’t necessarily a good school.

I believe had I done that for the first school going years properly, I would have saved myself a lot of misery and money. But caught up in the rat race, and focused on growing my career, I didn’t pay attention, at least not enough.

The report cards all read distinctions, reflecting inaccurate performance (I know, there are mean people out there), but at home I did note that he was not reading well. I remember going to school the one afternoon and asking the class teacher whether she thought he needed some extra tutoring help and I can still hear her response in my mind: “Ah no, Keenan is a good boy, he is a good boy.” Come to think of it now, that should’ve been red flag number 2. The fact that she couldn’t give me an informative answer. I was not worried about behavior, I was worried about his level of comprehending and retaining the information he was supposed to have been taught.

Dear Mommy, make sure you enroll your child to a teaching school. Some private schools are just day care centers. They don’t teach. Which brings us to…

Lesson No 2

Pay Attention.

I was so distracted it breaks my heart thinking of it now. For 3 good years, grade 1 to 3, my son was, not only being baby sat without any educational benefit but I missed his learning disorder. Obviously because the “school” was not really adding value but giving thumb sucked report cards, they also didn’t pick it up.

The foundation laying years are the most important, and they are over in a flash. Invest a little more time in these if you can afford to.

As fate would have it, during his grade 3, we moved towns and had to change schools. Getting him into a good school was no challenge due to the beautiful lies that were on the report card, but a few months into it, all hell broke loose. The child was traumatized and overwhelmed with all the information he was being fed. The teachers called me in, (God bless their genuine souls), I also noted that he was not coping and was constantly anxious. He hated going to school. Initially I thought it was due to the change of environment but after efforts with after school tutoring etc, I had to admit that:

  • After 3 years in the school, the educative level at which Keenan was, was similar to a child that had not gone to school at all.
  • There was definitely an underlying learning challenge.

These two brought along their friends, named negative stigma, bullying and as a result low self esteem which led me to the next step.

Therapy!

Because I initially attributed the struggle to social anxiety, we took him for play therapy, and then educational therapy. We were then referred to a certain psychologist whose primary area of expertise was early childhood development and he then officially diagnosed Keenan as Dyslexic and suffering from ADHD.

I just want to urge Mommies with similar struggles. Therapy works! Seek help. Kids do not just act up at that age, there is always an underlying trigger and there is always, always something that can be done.

After the diagnosis, I removed Keenan from the mainstream educational stream, and we had to “home-school” him for 2 years in a smaller group, with the help of a private tutor. Our therapist recommended what was called Mind Moves, a series of exercises daily that we had to do that were quite simple. He also recommended horse riding and specific extra curricular activities that aided in stimulating certain learning functions in the brain. Again I say, seek help. Sometimes the answer is much simpler than we anticipate.

We also encouraged more of what he considered fun and with private tutoring he could move at his own pace. What a difference it made.

This was such a difficult time for me. Along with my own internal doubts about whether I was making sound decisions, fear for his future should I mess up, the judgment from the outside world was another hurdle we had to overcome. Which brings me to the next lesson.

Lesson No 3

Trust Your Judgment.

You are the mother. By virtue of that, you know.
You just do.
With good intention, many advise against removing Keenan from main stream. Looking back now, I’m so glad I didn’t listen.

There is a reason why, even the law considers the mother, in a holistically healthy state, a child’s primary care giver. It is all well and good to seek advise and listen to parenthood advice from peers but the problem is, each child is so uniquely different.

People will advise you from their perspective, the way they know how, the times during which they were raised or parented, and although it may have worked for them, it might not for you. The dynamic changes every day. (A few years back for example, I could basically just instruct Keenan to do something, nowadays, any conversation that I have with, I need to win based on facts, and not just because mommy said so.)

Each child has their individual gifts, areas of passion and areas of weakness.
Each child is born to bring a different solution into the world. I’m always reminded of our own fellow African child, Trevor Noah. If that boy was in my grade 1 class, I am sure he was going to be whipped and thrown chalk board dusters at for thinking he is the class clown.

“Jy Trevor,  wil net hier sit en grappe maak, jy sal druip… “

… not appreciating that, those jokes would take him to the world stage. Bottom line is, spend time with your child and you will know.

Another lesson is, allow them to be themselves.

The most valuable lesson you need to teach them is to be themselves. They dont need to be a doctor or a lawyer. They just need to be themselves and follow the gifting that feels most natural. So allow your boy to choose Home Ecology as a subject if that’s what he wants, maybe they are the next Jamie Oliver.

Don’t box them.

My Keenan has always been an animal person. I tried to bully him a little into veterinary science but he wouldnt have it. We are doing wildlife biology apparently.

Finally. It is never too late. Whilst it is true that the earlier you diagnose or pick up learning constraints, the better and more effective corrective measures taken are, it is never too late to be proactive. I am willing to share the contact details of the professionals that assisted us in the journey. It is a cause I am passionate about.

Keenan today, is a thriving, confident teenager excited about his secondary school phase in 2020.

To all the MonoMoms with differently gifted little ones. You guys are all super moms to be entrusted with such angels.

Wear your badge with honor.

Love,
Liv

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