I am probably the least qualified to speak about parenting teens as I’m very new to it, my son is but 14 in a week’s time. So, I literally only have a year’s experience in this regard. However, I would like to think that, as is in the African context, the experience I got from co-parenting my nieces and nephews should also count for something right?
So today Mommies, I’d like to share a few parenting hacks that really aided in this transitional phase so far.
I kid you not, parenting a teen has got to be the most challenging phase in all of a child’s life cycle. At least for me it is.
Give me diapers and newborn sleepless nights, give me the terrible two’s stage, any day over the teen phase.
Like, have you ever cried real tears because you know you are right in whatever you are saying but all your words fall onto a “brick wall”? And it pains you because you can see ahead and you know how the current bone of contention is going to end?
Well, that’s like every other month in teen kingdom. Absolutely normal.
A few other normal experiences with your preteen or teen, usually year 12 and onwards:
-Your child turns into an alien and apparently this alien does not like you very much.
-Your child prioritizes time spend with friends over time spend with family.
-Sadness over perceived loss when they break up with friends.
-More focus on physical appearance.
-Demanding a level of privacy and freedom.
-A level of disconnect.
-Crying spells
-Oh and throwing furniture around the house.
You will find yourself questioning the mental health of your teen several times!
Teens go through so many physical and emotional changes that often results in baffling behaviour.
When this happens, please don’t panic like I did and call the local pastor. Relax and remember the following:
The sudden waves of emotion are overwhelming to even them. They don’t understand why they are feeling the way they are and they simply react. Whenever conflict arises, remain the sane and calm one.
It’s not personal. It’s a phase. Unfortunately, you are the object of their wrath because you are the closest. The important thing is to maintain the family values and enforce consequences consistently.
Become a friend. Yes. Keep the communication lines open by providing a safe place for them to vent. That way, you know what the battles are, the assumptions they make internally and you can speak into their lives. Don’t act surprised when you hear something alarming, be calm, advise with cool.
Whipping is out! At this stage, they should learn to make decisions by being presented with choices and the consequences of choices. Not because they are scared of being whipped.
Guilt tripping is also out.
“Do you know how much I paid for this & that?”
“Don’t you appreciate how I struggle alone with you?”
Let it go.
Rather explain with rationale what the situation is. Nobody likes a nag. MonoMoms are not nags.
Don’t taunt or belittle their battles. Whatever they are going through is a big deal to them. Respect that.
Finally, reaffirm their abilities, their strengths, their character. Remind them on a daily who they are. With so many voices out there telling them who they should or shouldn’t be, labelling them, let your voice, dear MonoMom be one of hope, encouragement and acceptance.
Till next week,
Love Liv
