The past week, I felt like giving up. Giving up on everything.
In its ENTIRETY.
Yeah, I am human too, when I am not SuperWoman.
But some wise person said, you got to:
And Show Up, No Matter What!
I think I can blame my despondency on being down with the flu again the past week, the second time for this month.
Hello? Flu germs, please go visit someone else and give me a break?
An actual break?
At this rate, one would not say I take a daily dose of healthy vitamins.
I mean, I train regularly, I eat squeaky clean, and I sleep a bit. (Yeah a bit) So what is the hassle?
At first I thought it was just my sinus acting up, because nowadays I am spending more money on concealer (which was never the case) – to hide the black circles around my eyes!
I felt the scratch sensation in my throat but I ignored it, I called it bluff. Hell, I even went to work out. And I knew sitting directly under the air conditioner in the office was a disaster waiting to happen.
But the balmy spring nights also became a bit too balmy for my 8 inch hair and I used the fan, instead of the air conditioner the one night for a bit of cool air.
I don’t know about you but I always look forward to Fridays, so when it was Friday I found myself in three separate meetings trying to maintain a runny nose, stuffy throat and teary eyes. Not a pretty picture.
I prayed that the day would end.
When I got home, I did what all the self-proclaimed doctors advised and took some medication and headed straight for my sanctuary – my bedroom.
But despite the medication, sleep decided to play hide and seek with me. And Netflix kept me company.
I woke up more tired the next day and way more groggy and had a full day planned, but decided against it and stayed indoors. The same for Sunday.
Monday morning came and I still was not fully recovered, but job is job. By then I was seriously thinking of going to see my GP for a silly flu. I felt too weak.
I tried remembering when last I updated my will, I mean this cannot just be flu?
Maybe I am dying?
Someone in my circle said, what are you missing that is making you so sick? Were you not sick the other day?
Yes, I had been sick the other day too. Man oh man.
So what? But maybe he was right, I am missing something or mourning something.
Why else would my body act out?
I spoke to another person and this person said: Anke you like giving up easily.
And you know what. I FELT THAT…
And I fully agree, for once!
Kudos to you.
I am struggling to keep all the balls in the air all at once.
Work, school, fitness, meal preps. Late nights, early mornings. No emotional support. Loneliness.
And seeing my son not as often as I would like.
It bloody sucks.
So naturally, because of the flu I could not train. I was legitimately sick.
So, now I have lost a full week’s worth of work out. Guess how the next visit to the gym would be like?
Grueling and Intense.
And just yesterday I told my trainer I am done.
I am not coming back ever. I give up on being healthy and fit and and and. It’s too much hard work.
It was not left there. I got a whole pep talk. She is not only my personal trainer, but my therapist as well.
It is just so bloody tiring to do the right thing all the time, in all aspects of my life.
This morning I again diligently packed my gym bag.
I got a text at lunch time that read: Hey Anke, how’s your face from my trainer, and I replied my face still wants to give up.
And then I sent her a message and said that she will see me later.
My gym week is starting on a Thursday.
I know. Whilst you will be sipping away on a sundowner and getting ready for the weekend, I will be squatting my life away for the future booty.
And this is how I get abused in the gym:
I will plan better next time, but keep in mind, my week needs to cater for full time work, part time studying and life in general, so at this point it is a miracle getting gym in my schedule.
So cheers to the next 6 weeks before we take stock and look at centimeters lost, and before the clock strikes Chapter 38 for me.
And for those of you who might just wonder:
The perfect present will be an outdoor shower.