‘’When we get married, we promise a person the rest of our lives, ‘’Till death do us part’’.
But what if in another life we promised someone forever?
What if, ten lifetimes ago we promised someone lifetime after lifetime after lifetime after lifetime
after lifetime? Think about it. Maybe that’s why marriages fail when they do fail. Because maybe
promises are never really broken.’’ – Ndako Rombs
I hardly listen to the radio nowadays, and to think once upon a time, I was a very devoted radio listener, and amongst others, at times, a loyal contributor.
Gosh, how age makes you change so drastically.
I prefer to listen to my own playlists and it normally sets the tone for my day. Crazy playlists I tell you. You should hear them at times.
This particular day, I did turn on the radio, I don’t know why but the conversation that was happening at that moment, captivated me, immediately.
The radio presenter said, he believes we need to be taught in schools how to love.
WOW
As in, we need to get in therapists, or social workers at school level and it should be an actual subject.
An immediate lightbulb went off in my head.
I concur fully.
The past year, I have been fortunate enough to be part of a project where I assisted an author to write his second book.
He said something which also stuck with me: he said, ‘’the only frame of reference he has of marriage, is that of his parents’’. He mentioned that he never saw his parents fight and be rude to one another in front of them as children. He applauded that and said this laid the basis to his frame of reference and believes contributed to his blessed marriage thus far. His frame of reference when it comes to relationships is based on what has transpired between his parents.
It made so much sense.
Now, I have been wondering.
What if one has no frame of reference of content married parents?
What if one was raised by a single parent and there was no relationship you could base your frame of reference on?
What if your frame of reference is of your parent being violated daily?
And this causes your inability to love another human being unconditionally?
My frame of reference is not that great, and I do not want to sound disrespectful to my parents.
The only thing I remember is a happy family trip or two, and then our family crumbling to pieces due to a divorce.
As children, we were also forbidden to be sad or cry in front of anyone and dare you break out, you need to go do it behind closed doors. You were not allowed to show any emotion.
My best friend passed away years ago and at his funeral, I broke down and cried for the first time. Loud, sad sobs, it was the first time I cried since his passing, my mother who was standing next to me, immediately commanded me to stop crying, and I was a grown woman of 21 already! Imagine being profusely sad and pissed at the same time.
Now all of a sudden it makes sense that most of my relationships did not work out up to now. Touch wood.
And maybe this is why I am so cold and defensive…
I am so anxious and worried that I would not love the person meant for me the right way.
Or love him the way he wants to be loved.
I read somewhere, we should love people the way they want to be loved, not love them how we think they should be loved.
I was fortunate enough to attend a local wedding whilst attending to a work project in our neighboring Botswana, in a village called Molepolole about 60km out of Gaborone, Botswana.
It was an epic yet beautiful experience. An entire Our Perfect Wedding experience.
I am always in awe of young people who know what they want and go for it. The fossils out there can learn a thing or two from them.
I am hoping that despite what their love frame of reference might be, they would let love lead the way.
xoxo
