Now that I’ve been back for quite a while, I’ve had a chance to sample the Windhoek dating pool. I set myself to the task and got myself onto Tinder and went on maybe a dozen dates? Initially, I’d wanted to try something fun and maybe vlog the whole experience – something focussed on first impressions and the assumptions we make about people before we’ve had a chance to get to know them. But too few of my subjects were thrilled to appear on my YouTube LOL. I think I’ll tweak the idea and give it another go later. But this time I thought I’d share some of the biggest differences I found between Namibian and European (Russian) men in particular.
Just to preface this article a little bit (please do not come for me lol): These are my PERSONAL opinions based on my limited experiences. Limited because I lived abroad for under 5 years and also because I never dated here in (Namibia) extensively before then. So, you’re welcome to disagree and still have us be friends lol.
- Russian men ooze chivalry. Open the car door for you – not that lazy move of reaching over from the driver’s seat, but actually exit the car just to open it for you. And come around to let you out once the car is parked. It was a pleasant surprise to have that be the norm. Not something that dies down after a few dates. In fact, one wouldn’t even have to be on a date. Men in general were always letting women in first, pulling our chairs out, helping us take our coats off and back on, helping us carry groceries or baggage. Even strangers. I once had men at the subway help me carry a suitcase I had – men I didn’t know but just wanted to help. It happens in Windhoek, but so much less. I get the feeling it’s to make a good impression – not that it’s truly from the soul.
- When a Russian man wants to date you, he means business. They tend to have long term in mind immediately. After a date or 2, you ARE his girlfriend and all that that implies. It might be a bit stressful if you were just trying to go with the flow and get a feel for the situationship first. Whereas here, it’s the opposite. In fact, there’s a lot of lingo I had to familiarise myself with. The many terms used to describe one’s relations. There’s “talking”, “hanging out”, “dating”, “boyfriend/girlfriend”, “exclusively dating”, “dating but not committed”, “seeing each other”, “sleeping together”. They all have special meanings – so never assume without checking with your person first lol. In Moscow, if he’s still with you by date 3, you are a solid item. The very traditional typical Russian man is very family oriented early. Whereas our men seem to want to settle down much later in life for various reasons.
- I found Russian men to be extremely handy. They just seem to be able to fix any and everything. You don’t need to call in for outside help. The only other man I’ve ever seen able to make miracles like that is my father. I mean, he MADE a friggin windmill once. I realise manual know-how isn’t for everyone, but it was insane hearing Russian colleagues talking about what their husbands or dads/brothers had done. From installing air vents above the stove to building country cottages “dachas” by hand and alone. I found that impressive as hell. It’s something Russian men really take pride in. I feel like our men carry their pride in other areas – perhaps money, job, property, or cars first? And then comes the other stuff. I’ve never heard a Namibian man boast about making or repairing X, Y or Z all by himself.
- Namibian guys have more protocol when it comes to dealing with elders/parents. Obviously this one would have to do with the culture. You never have to be worried a Namibian guy is going to say something inappropriate or unintentionally disrespectful. He knows to speak and behave differently around “grown-ups”. I found that Russian people on the whole conduct themselves the same with everyone and every age. It could be seen as abrasive if you didn’t understand the culture.
- Namibian men have a better sense of humour – also probably due to the similar background and cultures – since those are the things that help shape what we find funny. And then also the common language and jokes specific to the language. Sometimes I found Russian men to be little bit boring because of the language barrier. We’d be able to share in everything else except humour which is everything!
- Russian men are more outdoorsy and want to do activities that take you outside the walls of a building. They always want to take a walk somewhere – even in blazing snow. I had to educate them on the fact that to a black person, powering through a snowstorm is not relaxing. Soon they want to go camping, or go to the countryside, or go to a park for ice-skating. Our guys don’t really seem the “adventurous” type. Then again, maybe we don’t have as much to do? All I’m saying is no one’s ever offered to take me go karting, to take a couple’s cooking class or target practise at a shooting range. It’s like the only thing to do here is to go to a lounge maybe or have a drink at a restaurant and repeat. Though there was this really down to earth guy who after drinks, took us to kapana to then eat it at the car wash where we would sit with his buddies for the rest of the evening.
And so I dunno, there have always been exceptions to the rule on both ends. My research continues.
