My writing gets me in steaming hot water, most of the time.
And this time it will be no different.
I definitely refuse to defend any of my writing.
So please, if you know that your heart is a bit fragile and the blood flow to your veins are a bit clogged, please do not continue reading.
It is not a secret anymore, as per normal human wants and needs; I am experiencing loud knocks mostly from my hormones, and partially from my emotional psyche that I want a solid partner in my life.
Well, at my big age and another year soon to be added to that, I would regard this as fairly normal.
I WANT A MAN.
Not just any man. I want MY MAN, the one piece of the puzzle that would fit me to a T. And trust me this is not a phase (Can a phase continue for 3 years?), this is REAL REAL. The void is becoming bigger and badder.
Please do not pep talk me!
Please do not tell me to be patient, please do not tell me to pray, and trust the process nor anything else insane. Because I know, and I have been doing that and more.
Just Shut UP and send love, light and good thoughts, and possibly light a candle.
Because you people decided to take all the decent men and leave a person here high and dry. Pining away. My feelings are always intense, so imagine, how I am going through these feels, every day.
This is where I actually hope I gave in to the nudge to become a nun.
I do not want a (Ben 10),
I also do not want a FB,
I am done playing FAM,
I want a companion. Who will be mine and mine only. I will not have to compete with other factors to have him beside me all the time.
Someone who I can sit next to while he watches TV, drinking in his scent as he plays with my hair in beautiful silence, not needing to talk.
Someone who I can call incessantly, and him me, to irritate each other but also to talk about sweet nothings or plan what we’ll have for dinner.
Someone who will understand me and love me with all my nicely packaged shit. Yes, I am a ‘’full of nonsense kind of woman’’. However, I am so fucking worth all this shit.
Lastly, I want someone that will understand that I am a sensual Scorpio female, and who can deliver on my sensuality.
So, I am sure I exuberate some sort of desperation. Maybe I give off a weird smell, I don’t know.
And trust me; I am not giving in to it. I badly want to. I so badly want to. But I am reformed, believe it or not.
I could if I wanted to, but I am not. This beggar is going to be meticulous. So, currently I have one or two or more men who are showing some sort of interest in me, but unfortunately, none of them tickle me in any way.
I do not know what it is with men and not taking no for an answer. As if they literally just take a break from bothering me for a day or two, a week or two, then they start BANG! And mind you, there is no effort in pursuing me, so I don’t even give any of them the time of day.
I have said NO THANK YOU, so many a times, but aatje, the ears are non-existent.
So I just wrote one of them the following texts:
‘’Hi, hope you well. Just to clarify and reiterate on the boundaries, I have communicated on numerous occasions. Let us just try to keep our friendship platonic. No weird prompts or convos from you, no late night calls or video calls, no starry eyes, and definitely no I love you’ s, Plse’’.
His response: Game on!
Urgh… I ended up blocking him and a few others, as I am now seen as some ‘’Challenge Trivia’’.
This time, I am not settling for any kaboutertjie.
I want the ultimate Kabouter. Kabouter is definitely my love synonym for that special person.
The one who makes me feel the whole damn zoo in my tummy and that is generously gifted to be able to put up with my ishh.. you know who you are.
PS: Come find me Kabouter.