I experienced the sundayest Sunday night again, when I was about to go to bed. My chest was so heavy. I felt some forceful wrenches in my chest.
Pang, after pang, after pang after pang.
My heart was beating extra fast. Really painful, but also really uncomfortable. I gulped for air, more and more.
I was just in utter discomfort and pain, but the kind of pain one cannot easily describe, and even if you would describe it, there is a huge chance that you will not be understood.
So I decided the best thing to do would be to lie down, pray and beg God for this feeling to subside.
Anxiety knocking on my door again, let’s blame it on the exam pressure. (It is exam season for some of us.)
Or could this be onslaughts from the enemy?
But today, I am not writing about my anxiety again.
I am writing because, as I was praying and asking God to not let me die on a Sunday night all by myself, I eventually slipped into slumber.
And not even 30 minutes or so into dreamland I had this amazing dream.
I dreamt of my late Mother.
She passed on 8 years ago,
I was her baby, literally, the last-born. *Sigh.
She spoiled me rotten.
I could barely make a bed at the age of 29. Okay that is a bit of dramatic, but either way, I could not tell the difference between All Gold Tomato Sauce and Wellington Tomato Sauce.
Yes, there is a difference, let me not roll my eyes at you.
So, understandably, I was flabbergasted when she passed on.
My little world came crashing down.
And how little our worlds are at times.
So for 8 years post her departure to the yonder world, I had not dreamt about her. Well, until Sunday Night.
Even when her passing was fresh, I didn’t dream about her.
I remember I would often pray just to be able to dream about her.
But last night, I was blessed.
My dream world was so lucid and clear.
I dreamt of my Mamma.
I usually don’t remember anything, so to remember such a dream is a blessing.
I remember dreaming about her face, it was full and blushing, like a young bride.
You know as if she was living her best life ever.
Definitely a picture that would make it to the gram.
She was laughing and twirling all around and around and around, in Avery’s words – “loop dee loop”, as a little Cleo would twirl.
Cleo is my niece’s daughter, she is very fond of dancing and singing, and twirling like a loop dee loop.
My niece is also the replica of my late mother.
So who knows, maybe Cleo inherited mum’s dancing and twirling spirit?
Laughing and twirling and in the dream her surroundings were lusciously green, healthy looking and so beautiful, something out of a travel magazine or some tropical island, and I joined in the twirling and laughing and I wanted to touch her, but I could not and I wanted to join that island but I could not.
Damn. I hate to be teased…
I woke up at 23h35, I know because I checked my phone. And it was a mere 30 min after I fell asleep that I had the dream.
I wanted to write about it immediately, I was afraid I would forget but sleep got the better of me and I drifted off again, but before I did, I added a reminder to my phone to write about it the next day.
And here I am, about to rush to the library to get some last minute studying done, sharing my dream.
Moral of the story;
‘’I hardly dream about my late mother. Sunday night, I did. She was laughing, dancing, and looked so happy and content. Thank you for the affirmation and the visit Mamma Bear. I cannot wait to join you one day in that happy place’’.