Lately, I have found that I may have learnt to maneuver life, develop a thick skin and learn to take life as it comes. I have outsmarted how to live in my financial lane and gone as far as learning how to grow in my spiritual life, self-love journey and relationships. However, regardless of how many lessons I learn, and how well I have learnt to take the hard hits in life, there are things that have happened in my life that when I look back, there is still some hurt there. It is not that I dwell in those areas, but life just never truly prepares you for certain things. These are the three things that I was never, ever ready for in life. They are random, and so far apart, but they have been the times I look back on and I am most proud of;
1. Your first heart-break
Now sweetheart, growing up you hear enough stories about heartbreak, and naïve old me grew up echoing the sentiments, “I will never cry over a boy”. Thinking about what I used to profess, leaves me wanting to burst into laughter because boy, will one never be ready for your first REAL heart-break. I am not talking about those childhood relationships that ended and you were like, “boy, BYE!” No, I am talking about that heartbreak that altered your vision on life, altered your personality and left you building walls so high, it was hard to get anyone to look past them. Once bitten, twice shy.
I have this theory, that everyone has experienced heartbreak at least once in their life. Everyone has had to pick up the broken pieces and everyone has had to learn the healthy balance between being careful and being too closed off to new relationships. The bittersweet spot is what many do not find, and some are lucky to find. That is the place where you learn your worth, hold your standards high and ensure no one has that kind of power over you again, while maintaining an approachable demeanor that can let love in again. That’s my theory.
2. Leaving School
Whether you went to university or not, whether you had a bursary that promised you a job straight out of university or not, whether you lived in your own place or not, whether you had a job prior to leaving school or not. Nothing, and I mean nothing prepares you for the world outside the comfort of school. I think it has to do with no longer having the cushion of school as the thing you lean on everyday, the thing that has your sanity in place because although it is hard, at least you are doing something. You are doing what is expected of you, you are in school and by societal standards, you are doing what you should be doing. Stepping outside of school is some real scary business. They should really have 5 classes that prepare you for life outside school;
Module 1: Preparing you for the day your guardians no longer give you money
Module 2: Learning how to pay bills
Module 2a: How to emotionally deal with paying medical aid
Module 3: How to deal with having a qualification but no job prospects AKA Being Unemployed
Module 4: How to budget for moving out of home aka “Who knew buying a bed was that expensive?”
Module 5: How to deal with having a difficult boss
Module 5a: No, you cannot spend so much time in the bathroom at work, its WRONG!
Being young engulfs you in this high that the world revolves around you. I am not sure what it is about being young that makes us so self-centered. Nonetheless. We grow up believing that the world owes us and we develop an entitlement to people’s love, and as a result end up in relationships where we become dependent on our partners or friends to make us happy and forget to search for that love from ourselves. Then comes a day where you realize you are your own rescue team. You are your number 1 player and you are who you can depend on whole heartedly, everyday all day. This is when you need to learn to give the love you so freely give to everyone else, to yourself. This is when you realize you need to take better care of yourself and it stings. For some inexplicable reason, it is always easier to give love to others, than it is to give it to yourself. The self-love journey is filled with many highs and incredible lows. Some days you are ready to love yourself HARD and other days, you wish someone would do the loving for you and you can just cry the world away. The point is, learning to love yourself is some tough stuff. It is filled with facing your flaws, learning your strengths and work. WORK, WORK and more WORK. Consistently.
Well, at least for me, these were the three hardest lessons life never prepared me for. I grew up very sheltered and the strong gaze of the sun outside of my comfort zone was hard to adopt too. I was privileged and many times entitled. However, regardless of how sheltered you may be, you will encounter life, one way or the other. There is one lesson I omitted, you learn that people die. However, that one is too heavy for a sunny day like this.
Have yourself a lovely day precious.
From One Powerhouse to another