For the longest time it always felt like I was out of reach
I was always short of getting the gig
Short of getting the job
Short of getting the lovely happy ever after
And so I found myself at a loss,
Always wanting yet never getting.
This feeling became so familiar that it never really phased me anymore.
- When I found out my boyfriend was seeing someone else, it didn’t sting
- When I found out that my contract at work was ending and they wouldn’t renew it, it didn’t hurt.
- When I found out that the friend I thought I would always have, preferred the company of another, it did not matter.
And so, when I say that I grew accustomed to being out of reach I mean, I finally understood what they meant when they said, you are a BLACK Child.
I am taught that misfortune can come as easily as fortune, that when you think that things simply cannot get any worse they can.
On the other hand, there were the many blessings that shone upon me, I knew what they meant when they said that bad things come in threes and so do blessings.
When I got the call on the Thursday evening, asking that I start the job I had been negotiating for on Monday, I was perplexed. I was holding my breath because afar so many things went wrong I simply couldn’t believe they would get better.
I was another statistic in a world that promised to keep you engulfed in unemployment. I was no different to any other engineer, fresh out of school, with little to no experience. So that call had me holding my breath, afraid that if I so much as breathe or believe for better, it would vanish.
I grew so accustomed to living in fear that at the sight of a second job, I felt the world surely must be delivering all these gifts of prosperity to the wrong door. So when I opened the door of opportunity, looking at two job offers that aligned so well I could have them both I grew scared.
Because they always say when things are going too well, expect that they won’t last long.
So when the third opportunity came knocking my way I was breathless. I had no more breaths to hold, and had to let myself breathe in my God fortunate.
Not good fortunate, God fortune, because we know that when God shows up, he shows off.
When the world decides to give back everything it has stolen from you, it gives back double fold. When the world decides to gift you prosperity, kiss you with self-love and adorn you in gifts. It will leave you feeling out of comfort. Because you have long since forgotten what it is like to be loved right, to be treated well and to be blessed abundantly.
But I stand here as a living testimony black child, that it does get better. A day will come where all the struggles will make sense, you will be able to map out how the struggles worked together for your good.
You will be able to tell a story, of a back that was bent over backwards trying to make ends meet and can stand up straight with a heart filled with gratitude because those times taught you character, resilience and gratitude.
You will be able to tell stories of the many times rejection slammed the door in your face and today opportunities shake your hand with respect. You will be able to tell of the times you felt you would never see the sun shine on you, and you will have the sun, in all its glorious black beauty.
Fear not black child, you will be great!
From one powerhouse to another,
Love Mavis | @maviselias
