Over the weekend, particularly Saturday, I felt immensely bored and lonely.

LONELIER, than bored, I must admit.

Imagine being extremely bored regardless of the 1.2 boxes around me.

Sigh.

Idleness is the work of the devil.

I am convinced that my dearest late mother would have slapped me, grown woman or not, for procrastinating on those boxes. What did I expect without having my son around? My life revolved around him.

Family dynamics have changed for us now and all of a sudden, I have all the time in the world without him around and most of the time, and I do not know what to do with myself.

Most of the timeAnd that cannot be a good thing.

What was life like before parenthood I ask myself?

I feel as if I am constantly walking around with major organs missing from my body and I feel so empty. Separation anxiety perhaps, but he makes sure I don’t miss him too much.

As tech savvy as a 4 year old can be he calls me whenever he can and tells me to go online so that he can call me on WhatsApp. I plead innocence, I did not teach him that.

‘’I want to see your face Mamma’’ – (This is when I want to forget my healthy journey and gobble down two or three glasses of wine, to soothe the feels.)

And I swear he does not have a cellphone, he gets the phone from whoever is willing to give it to him at that particular point of time.

So I decided it is time to reach out to the world and go play with other kids.

I have promised myself to only commune with people who will ensure a meaningful encounter, thus my interaction with other people is very limited (by choice) to my working environment and very close family.

The idleness would have just invited trouble to my life, so I called a friend and soon I found myself on my way to a house warming.

Can we just take a moment and acknowledge, that I have not communed with adults in a long while. So naturally I was tempted to not show up.

And then there is my new found ‘’anxiety’’ that I also have to take into account. Age is another force to be reckoned with. If your body does not suffer from an overnight ailment, it is something else you experience, something you have only read of. In my case it’s anxiety. All of a sudden I know what a panic attack feels like. Anxiety is real, we will talk about that some other time.

But despite the odds, I managed to dress up and show up.

It felt so refreshing to be in the company of other adults. Our guests prepared the yummiest of angel fish for us.

After a drink or two and making small talk with everyone, my dear friend who extended the invite brought up a very sensitive topic.

We were mostly women, and let me tell you something you might not know. Where women gather, the convo will always be about men. And, something else…

Yes, the topic was about a man, actually an ex, not just any ex. Thee Ex. My Ex. Light years ago of course.

One of many? I hope not.

The one that got away, but who was willing to put a ring on all my drama.

Come on, there is always that one ex.

Am I talking to somebody?

Wew, let me tell you, it turned out to be the biggest nightmare of my entire life, although my friend says, of all my ‘’situation ships’’, that was actually the most interesting one. 

It was a nasty one.

NASTY. NASTY. NASTY.

No need to dwell on the details.

‘’Forgive and Forget’’

What grabbed my attention and made me start writing this piece in my head was what she said. I am forever writing in my head, if I do not have my goodies with me. (You most probably will have my attention for ten minutes and then I will be gone, wandering off in my mind.)

We often tend to forget significant details of our lives that should actually keep us grounded. I forgot this significant part of my life, and I am grateful to my friend who reminded me of my worth in that aspect of life.

So I am allowing myself to travel back there for a while and I want to take you there with me.

Of course I tried stopping her, but she continued telling her tale and had half of the guests interested in her story, so I lost the battle.

Anyway, my friend continued to tell everyone present how the guy followed me around everywhere I went. How he practically worshipped the ground I walked on. I am a Scorpio Female. It’s the mystery that lures them in. I promise I don’t do anything extra to get them in over their heads. 

How he diligently picked me up at 16h30 from work, dressed as if he just walked out of a corporate advertisement.

Dressed to the T.

If you know me you would know that I appreciate a well-dressed man.

How he showered me with gifts and little tokens of appreciation, all the time.

And how all of them were in awe of such a love story and envious of finding a love so perfect. And how they could not wait to find such true love.

Mmmmmmm

Years later, the one telling my tale is a young and happily married woman and I am single – not married.

Life is ironic. Guy gone. Ring gone.

It does not matter why. And I am not in my feelings because of it.

We should realize that things are never as they seem.

NOT EVERYTHING THAT GLITTERS IS GOLD.

And, yesterday, after my gym session, which was nothing but grueling, I listened to the following song on my way home.

My next insert, I will tell you all about the progress I have been making in the gym.

Sybil - When I when I’m good and ready.

When I when I’m good and ready,

When I'm, when I'm good and ready,

I'll tell you when I'll give my love to ya,

When I'm, when I'm good and ready,

And needless to say, apart from being an 80’s baby, this song immediately resonated with the season I am journeying through my life currently.

So, to the proposals I am getting. I am not being hoity toity or la dee dah.

I am just not ready.

When I am good and ready, you will get my attention.

And to be honest.

I don’t think I will ever be good and ready again.

Been there, done it. Said no thank you.


PS: To my future, please be patient.

Xoxo

 

Curvy Scorpio

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