This week started off with high levels of stress and I simply needed a break. I wanted to break free of all the things that had me feeling pinned to the ground whilst having the world weigh on me. I was dissolute in my self-pity and honestly, I wanted the world to see behind my smile and ask, “are you okay?”
I went ahead and made drastic changes in my life, I uninstalled every social media application (including Whatsapp, that part was hard) on my phone, resigned from two companies of which I was a founder and literally went on a self-cleansing, detoxing and freeing journey! I gave many of my passions and love-child projects up and looked at my now half empty life and asked myself,
now what?
In many ways it was a cry for help, in many ways it was my inner turmoil rising to the surface, and I couldn’t help but feel like I was giving up. The one quote I live by is – never give up. Yet, here I was throwing in the towel for many of the things I loved. Here I was overwhelmed by the amount of responsibilities I have taken on, yet it felt so good! It felt beautiful, it felt liberating and I felt free. Free of the pressure to push a stagnant company, free of the pressure to perform and free of the pressure of social interaction. The truth is I was exhausted! I was overly stressed that the only consistent feeling in my life was one of exhaustion. You could find me at 7am, just after I wake up and I would still tell you I was exhausted. I was dragging my feet, trying to get from point A to B with no energy or drive.
Yet, believing that no matter how small the step, I was still moving forward. However, I was doing myself a great injustice.
I was holding onto business ventures that had long since gone stale.
I was refusing to allow myself revolution. To grow and to be able to adapt to change, yet covering this inability to adapt to change as perseverance.
When I finally typed that resignation letter, I cried! It hurt to let go of something that was built over three years, which for someone as young as me, was a lifetime. Yet, here I was taking bold steps and choosing my well-being and peace of mind over all else, specially the draw of money.
I prayed that God would catch me on the other end of this massive jump and life change, and without fail he did. As a means to busy myself (I am addicted to being busy, this does not change overnight) I downloaded a reading application I used in high school called Wattpad. I realized that I had stopped doing what I love in trying to keep up with the world and its expectations, my love for reading was far down my “to-do-list” and I intended to change that. I immediately was drawn to a book called The Curves Ahead and I fell in love. I couldn’t put the book down for hours, because the character in the book is me, I am her and she is me. This woman who goes on a journey of self-discovery embodied many of the insecurities and life problems I have come to accept are a part of who I am and she was adamant to change this reality. I finished it in less than 24 hours.
Reading this book, I felt like the world’s biggest hypocrite. I preach self-love in amplitudes, yet when it came down to applying these to my life I was Kermit. I will come from raising flags and preaching equality, yet inferiority riddled me every day. I was a hypocrite, because the least I could do is apply the things I preach, I owed it to the people who let me speak into their lives. Yet, it is never that simple, is it? To get up and hit the gym. The get up and eat better. To get up and lead a healthy, driven and ambitious life.
So, I made a decision. To be honest, in a non-confrontational way, but honest none the less. With you, with myself and with my reality. I am excited to go on this journey and I have descended the pulpit. I will no longer be preaching about the 7 ways to lose weight, or the 10 ways to lead a happy life, because what do I know?
I will simply go about doing the very best I can about the areas in my life that don’t reflect where I want to be and share them with you.
Please let me hear your thoughts by emailing me – maviselias@gmail.com or head over to my blog and let’s chat – www.mavisbraga.com
Do me a favor, will you? Read the book, it is life changing. If you are battling insecurities or cannot find peace in the mind, body or soul. This is definitely for you.
With a tad bit of crazy
Love Mavis
