By Rautia Nakanyala
I have realized to be my best to myself and others, I need a lot of solitude, time out or me time, whatever you want to call it. I am naturally a loner by nature, but it took years and growth for me to be able to enjoy my own company, to do things alone and find great joy and peace in them.
For almost eight years of my life, I had been in a relationship, I haven’t had the type of “selfish time” as I have now: neither freedom to choose myself above anyone else. I have always had to consider someone, be it my family, friends, partner etc. It’s only now that I am truly sitting down with Rautia; staring at her, listening to her and getting to understand and learn who she is in-depth. I was a foreigner to my own life; my decisions have always been centred around someone or people. I had too much unnecessary noise around me that was not building me.
It’s in my solitude that I have found my voice and learned to recognize my voice of fear, the voice of reason, the voice of power, the voice of love/kindness and the voice of my creator.
I also learned what my soul desires and I’ve been returning to solitude to give my soul more of what makes it glow. In my solitude, I have discovered my hidden dreams and purpose, but mostly in solitude, I have found my power.
When the world I live in and around me gets too busy and noisy, now that I have found the power in solitude, I get the urge to find solitude. When I become irritable and fussy over the littlest things then it’s time for a time out. Yes, adults need a time out: to re-energize, refocus and become nicer-kinder.
One thing I have discovered in my solitude is that I know what’s best for me at the end of the day. I can ask advice from the people in my life but I always take time, now, to think about their advice or opinions before I act on them or accept them as my truth. Nine out of ten, I go with my advice. So why do I bother asking then?
The people in your life have a reflection of your life, of who you are but they don’t know the purpose of your journey, because that is something only you know. Therefore, it’s only you that will know what decisions or path will lead you or keep you within your purpose.
Finally, in solitude I have come to learn, my first reaction or emotion is one that is filled with fear or selfishness. I never act on it anymore. I take time to go through your emotions. Ask yourself why you feel that way or have the need to do certain things before you act on them. Be more cautious of the things you do and say. Mostly, watch your thoughts so you can create peace within you and not chaos because the chaos in you, will always reflect and us who are in tune, shall always see it.
I have seen so many people that are afraid of being alone because they consider being alone means you not happy or you are unwanted. The truth is, they are running from their own life and their trauma. These people prefer to have people in their lives without considering the quality of people they let in. They surround themselves with so much noise. They lose their identity in people who enable their toxic traits and create a dependence on them for happiness and finally they to keep their minds preoccupied with anything except their chaotic lives.
Beloved, the day will come where you will have no one but yourself left and you will be forced to face yourself. I hope when that day comes, you will be a little kinder to yourself and allow yourself to cleanse you.
Solitude is important. It helps us filter out all the junk and unnecessary noise and deadweight; it brings us to our true identity and selves. Do it often as a form of self-care and love.
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