I don’t know! I don’t know how I feel and I am okay with not knowing.
That has been my state of being for the past weeks. The being “okay” part of not knowing has been the hardest for me come to terms with. I love being in control of my emotions and life but I am learning to find the peace in the unknown. There’s nothing wrong with not knowing.
We need to learn that. There’s so much power in being still and in not knowing – in being okay with your confusion state while you figure it out. You know what? Sometimes it’s not even up to you to figure yourself out. Listen to your soul and your spirit as it still speaks to you in those times of not knowing.
What I discovered in the bliss of the unknown is that I need more days to tune out the noise around me and to live my life without the urge to reply to that WhatsApp message or to go on social media or check up on anyone because I find myself functioning better and hearing more. I want more meaningful connections, conversations that move my soul, less time on my phone consuming information I have no business in consuming. I want to live in each moment, feel it all and exhale it all. I am transitioning and my soul is craving for more realness and rawness, and I still don’t know what I will need to do to move from transitioning to “it’s my way of life now”.
The amount of growth and unlearning I had to do this year, has left me completely naked: naked to my life, my reality, my dreams, my goal, my ambitions, my sorrow, my pain, my joy, my fears, my desires, my identity, my weakness and my strength. I have nowhere else to run or hide and that can be really scary for a control freak like me. I am constantly reminding myself to let go of the wheel and let the universe and my creator lead my story because history has shown they know me better than I know myself and that they want more for me than I will ever want for myself. I am learning to face my nakedness without screaming or going into solution mode. To be okay with my state of being even when I don’t know what it is at times.
We are not here to figure out life or figure ourselves out. We are not created to know every emotion we feel or every moment of our lives. We are not some puzzle we have to put together; we are not meant to be okay all the time. We are complex just as complicated as life is, we are meant to feel, to transition, to live and to exhale. Most importantly, we are more than welcome to pause in order to reconsider our path without feeling guilty or pressured to be present in a world that clearly doesn’t ignite our soul fire anymore.
You are allowed to breathe and be you. When it’s time to change gears, rest or embark on a new journey, your soul will no longer burn on the current journey. Listen to your being!
