I guess, it’s way too late in the year to still wish you for the year ahead.
For what it’s worth; Compliments for the New Year.
I think I was not the only one waiting in anticipation for 2020 to see its BEHIND although none of us had ANY guarantee that 2021 would be better, but one could only hope.
I have been on an extended break, and with good reason.
In retrospect, my 2020 kicked off in a hectic way, there was an unexplainable ear infection which left me deaf momentarily in my one ear. It required multiple specialist appointments and uncomfortable moments. It then felt as if life was on track again, and then BOOM, CORONA came and pulled the rug from underneath all of us, and life as we know it changed instantaneously.
I then found out that I was with child amidst a pandemic!
At the brink of 39.
I almost fainted. Well, I knew it had to happen some or another time as my son needed a sibling but still. I am thankful it happened in these circumstances nonetheless.
Funnily enough I have never been a child person, or a wedding person. But I can safely say, I was born to be a Mummy, it definitely looks good on me, or who knows maybe this is what life should be like, and maybe that is the link to the puzzle for me to live a fulfilled life.
MY HEART IS FULL.
Love then stopped blooming, turns out my partner was not READY. (His exact words).
STOP AND READ THAT AGAIN…
Four months post-partum and he is still not READY, in fact he blocked me when I shared pictures of OUR daughter. At this point, I do not think he will ever be ready. What kind of a man does that make him then?
My pregnancy journey was not easy and having to do it all by myself made it extra challenging.
The monthly check ups when you sit and wait for that Doctor and you are surrounded by cooing couples and you are there all by yourself, twiddling your thumbs, looking at anything but the cooing couples and their judgy eyes.
The first ultra sound when you hear that heartbeat and it cannot be shared as the sea of emotions overcome you.
Breaking the news to your family that you are having your second baby out of wedlock and the father said he IS NOT READY.
I had no choice but to chin up and brew a healthy baby.
I developed gestational diabetes and this made me extremely ill so much that I went into labor late in October, whilst I was only due in December. Meaning I had a premature baby.
That is another emotional roller-coaster no one can ever prepare you for.
I was discharged out of hospital whilst baby stayed in the hospital for weeks in the NICU, and it is just tubes and a tiny, tiny little person in an incubator, fighting for their life.
Meanwhile you need to spend most of your time with them and your face becomes synonymous with the nursing staff in the hospital corridors. You are expected to breastfeed (another daunting task) – which is not rocket science but could be if your nipple is inverted and milk supply is on an all-time low.
I can literally write a book.
And through all of this, he still has not come around.
Living his life as if nothing ever happened, as if there is not a part of him out there.
And out of all of this, the little I want you to take out of this is the following:
Acquaintances, family are so aware of a grown man who has rejected his child, and you know what THEY/WE do? Turn a blind eye, instead of slapping this person to his senses.
SHAME ON YOU!
The second time around was surely not the easiest, but she is strong and healthy now and she is the sweetest baby ever.
Here’s a picture of the first time I could hold her,
three days after her birth and our first attempt at breastfeeding: